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wonderful last days of summer for me in reno spent with my sweet and fun oldest son, james - talking and catching up, walking by the truckee river, going to the movies, cooking delicious food, taking photos. memorizing every minute i had with him. he's off to L.A. and NYC again.
the plants on my porch are finally making little tiny tomatoes and thai chili peppers! i'll have to leave them with my son and daughter-in-law in reno, because i'm leaving for dallas with my stepsister sally in three days.
when i started this blog, i was worried about dying from breast cancer and leaving my mom behind. that was two years ago in september. i am so glad that i didn't leave her first and break her heart.
i have a one-way ticket for dallas, to go help care for my mom, who is now in full-time hospice care and fading quickly, although she still has her feisty moments, which is heartening. the last time i saw her in dallas, only a handful of weeks ago, she was still able to get around, use her walker and go to restaurants with her beau. now she can barely leave the bed. because of 50+ years of smoking cigarettes, she's in the terminal stages of lung cancer. she quit smoking 8 years ago, but it was too late. and once she began taking morphine for pain, she spiraled downhill quickly.
thanks to my mom's influence, i'm very compulsively and obsessively organized. i've completed most of the arrangements for her funeral services at her church and cemetery; picked out her favorite church hymns and readings; written all the letters to accompany the death certificates to close her accounts and notify social security, etc. i've written thank-you notes to everyone who's helped her these last few years, addressed them, stamped them. i don't want to deal with all this later; i'll be too sad.
when i called the funeral home, i was told that she had already purchased her cemetery plot, her casket, picked out the flower arrangements, and even arranged for two cars for the family to go to the cemetery. she did all this years ago. what a thoughtful mom.
she's already let me know which clothes she wants to be buried in. it's a beautiful outfit that lit up her eyes when we went clothes shopping the last time i saw her. i knew she'd never have an occasion to wear it; she was fading even then. so it's brand new and beautiful, and it will wrap her little body in that casket that she already picked out years ago. i cried when the funeral home director told me i could bring shoes for her to wear in the casket. my mom LOVES LOVES LOVES shoes (size 5, hard to find) and used to have hundreds of them. i had never thought about her wearing shoes in her casket.
after she's gone, her beau and i are going to take a little road trip to padre island and spend time time at the gulf. he hasn't been able to travel for years because he's been taking care of mom. he's 85 and still quite young.
so i expect to be gone for quite a while. i've never taken a one-way ticket anywhere before. and i wonder what will it feel like, finally flying back home to reno, knowing i will never fly to dallas again to visit my mom, a place where i grew up and have visited her every few months for the last thirty-five years.
xoxo
5 comments:
I started off reading this with a big smile on my face because of your photos. You and your son have the same faces on!
And now I'm crying sniffly wet tears for you, for your mother.
My mother-in-law was just diagnosed with breast cancer about a month ago, she's had surgery, doesn't have to have chemo, but will be having radiation.
In exactly one month it will be a year since my diagnosis. I have to go get a mammogram. You're so lucky that you don't have to do that any more. I so totally get that my mother-in-law said she wanted a bilateral mastectomy if she got bad pathology.
many blessings for you, your mother and your families. *hugs*
I'm so sorry. Much strength and love to you during this difficult transition. I'm going through a similar situation with my dad, except our relationship was different and I'm just a spectator in his death. Not involved with any of the plans or anything. Life is precious.
Your mother did well!! I can really appreciate what you are going through as we buried my father last Dec right before Christmas. My father had the brightest blue eyes you had ever seen and he loved the ladies!! He was 85 years young!
When he passed, his entire funeral was done right to the last detail. All we hd to do was show up. the funeral home even had his shoes, suit and brand new shirt with matching tie. He was going dressed to impress!!
About a year before his death he made a reservation at a very expensive Dining Room, paid them well in advance and told to make sure his children and friends have a great meal and party! We did!
it's odd never going back to the city he lived for so many years, going to his house watching him with his pigeons or picking vegetables from his garden. We are all OK with his being gone. We love and miss him but he did it his way!
I wish your mother a happy transition and peace for you and her beau......Enjoy your trip!
Alli...
(warm hugs)
You met my mom while the both of you were going through Tomotherapy treatment. After listening to her talk about you, I searched the Internet and found your blog. You even talked about my mom in one of them.
I tried to sign on once but didn't follow through. I wanted to tell you that the Thai Basil here in Carson City has really great Thai food.
Anyway, my mom has been doing well healthwise, but she still has active cancer. About the same time you wrote that Dr. Rost had left Renown, she was told she could no longer go there for treatment. I learned over the weekend that it's because her insurance has denied her. When she started Tomotherapy, she had given up on chemotherapy. Now, she's back to dealing with chemo again--the neuropathy that prevents her from doing her quilting, the black hands and feet from the chemo. I'm trying to figure out what I can do, and I will do my best to use you as a point of inspiration to be her advocate.
Thank you for your post. I'm sorry to hear about your mom. There will probably be a day when I'm doing exactly what you are, and I know I'm not looking forward to it as I'm sure you aren't either. Once again, thank you for your posts. They continue to be a source of inspiration for me.
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