one year ago today i was told by my surgeon that based on my biopsy, i had triple-negative breast cancer and would have to have chemo and radiation after either a lumpectomy or mastectomy. i was told i had "a very aggressive cancer" and she said, "we will have to hit you hard with chemo." i had to decide on a surgery date, and i decided on a bilateral mastectomy.
in this blog i wrote:
"lots of tears this morning. i have TWO WEEKS LEFT to be myself and feel good and have no pain, no schedules, no drains - to have my body intact and be able to do whatever i want, whenever i want, and feel normal. after surgery i will never be the same again, never wake up and feel like myself, feel familiar, to be able to take a shower and make coffee and do exercises and live life the way i do now. i can't believe how the entire way i look will change in two weeks and then during chemo. losing all my long hair. i can't fathom all this. it's completely surreal - everything i know about myself and how i feel in my body is going to be over in only 13 days."
and here it is a year later, i spent saturday afternoon walking in the hills with my youngest son and his dog. my hair is growing back, i've recently returned from paris with my older son, and i feel terrific.
my surgery date was november 20th, and i can feel the date approaching. my body has that memory now. fall in the air, cold nights and mornings, the light changing.
i think back to a year ago today when i got the news, the definite news of the kind of cancer that was inside me, and i can't believe one year has passed. it feels like fifty.
4 comments:
One year can make such a difference. It will be a significant anniversary for you. Look how far you have come - and here you are just back from Paris with your son. Sounds like life is good.
One year ago today, I was beside my daughter's hospital bed after major thoracic surgery for a cancerous tumour in her bronchial tube. We were still waiting for pathology reports and she was in terrible pain from the surgery which 2 huge tubes coming out of her chest to act as drains. So much pain, fear, dread - and here we are on the other side. She is doing very well - and probably like you doing a little happy dance this November!
dear bonnie, i'm so very, very happy for you and your daughter! i know you're doing a happy dance too. xoxo
hi deborah! you look so beautiful in your pictures! and definitely do not look your age!
i'll write more later.
peace.
deb
Hi Deb,
Just like last time, I have just now checked your blog after too long away, only by chance to visit on a very important anniversary! Congratulations on your 1 year anniversary! Such a beautiful and momentous accomplishment.
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