7.2.09 - radiation #32 of 33 - boost #6 of 7

ONE MORE TREATMENT LEFT. i've been waiting a long time to say that! monday will be my true independence day, because the rad department will be closed tomorrow.

the photo above shows how radiation has affected my body. the radiated area is much darker because it is very, very red (and itchy as hell). but other than that, no skin issues. the mastectomy was a little over 7 months ago, and the scars have healed beautifully. i love my new body and especially love not wearing a bra, which i always thought was the most bizarre invention on earth. so, thank you, cancer! haha

brought in blueberries and thank-you cards to the techs and dr. rost today, and a CD of some of my very favorite music for dr. rost, because we joke about the god-awful music in the radiation room. imagine, just when you think it can't get any worse, not only are you going through 33 treatments of radiation, but you keep hearing the looped CD with ABBA on it.

people ask me what i'm going to do after treatment. i keep thinking about the article below, which i find very comforting. for the rest of 2009 and all of 2010, i'm going to travel as much as possible every month and not have a plan at all, about anything. i'm going to recover from this intense cancer experience. i'm going to "simply be" and connect with my priorities "in a very organic, unforced way."


Permission To Simply Be

The elation we feel when we have learned an important lesson, achieved a goal, or had a big breakthrough can sometimes be met with a period of downtime afterward. During this period of transition, we may feel unsure and not know where to turn next. Many people, during the pause between achievements, begin to wonder what their life is about. These feelings are common and strike everyone from time to time. Human beings are active creatures—we feel best when we are working on a project or vigorously pursuing a goal. But there is nothing inherently wrong with spending a day, a week, or even a month simply existing and not having a plan. Just be. It won’t be long before you embark upon your next voyage of growth and discovery.

The quiet lull into we which we fall between ideas, projects, and goals can make life seem empty. After accomplishing one objective, you may want to move immediately on to the next. However, when your next step is unclear, you may feel frustrated, disconnected, or even a mild depression. You may even perceive your lack of forward momentum as an indicator of imminent stagnation. To calm these distressing thoughts, try to accept that if your intent is personal growth, you will continue to grow as an individual whether striving for a specific objective or not. Spending time immersed in life’s rigors and pleasures can be a cathartic experience that gives you the time you need to think about what you have recently gone through and leisurely contemplate what you wish to do next. You may also find that in simply being and going through the motions of everyday life, you reconnect with your priorities in a very organic, unforced way.

The mindful transitional pause can take many forms. For some, it can be a period of reflection that helps them understand how their life has unfolded. For others, it can be a period of adjustment, where new values based on recent changes are integrated into daily life. Just because you’re not headed swiftly to a final destination doesn’t mean you should assume that you have lost your drive. The stage between journeys can become a wonderful period of relaxation that prepares you for the path that will soon be revealed to you.

--dailyom.com